My Life...

I want love, I really do! I long to have someone who opens his arms to hold me, to kiss me, or simply to just be there, with me. But I know he won’t come along, at least not until I decide what I want with my God forsaken life! The truth is… I DON”T KNOW WHAT I WANT! I finished college, I have a job, I’m doing my MBA, but I don’t see a road ahead. Sometime I would like to leave… move out of this island, but the fear is too big. I don’t like my job. My boss has not giving me a raise, so I am still paid like a student. I hate the fact that I’m alone and all I seem to attract are men who are even more lost than I am or fucking married guys who can’t keep their thing in their pants! I really hate this period of my life and I sometimes hate myself also. Yeah, I know it sounds bad (but don’t worry I’m not suicidal.) I’m just hard on myself. I am truly disappointed because I am a coward. I hate that fact that I can’t tell these things to anyone because they’ll think I’m stupid or that I need a fucking shrink.

Eternal Darkness

There are moments I think I see a ray of light in my eternal darkness but like always it turns out to be a hallucination created my mind who seems to be bored to death (it’s growing cobwebs) or simply a try of my despairing heart, who longs to beat to the rhythm of happiness. I feel sorry for you two (my heart and my mind), I wish I could d something to entertain you. I know I have your full support, but there seem to be two other guys who don’t want anything good for you, fear and uncertainty. It’s not a fair battle for they seem to have years of practice and advantage over you guys, so please don’t give up. I’m adding a little faith to you two (the last I’ve got left), so you can win this battle and let there be a bit of light to shine on my gloomy lost soul.

Shades of gray

Sometimes I wonder when will happiness come along? I seem to be stuck in a period of conformism with everything that surrounds me. I want to be happy, yet I lack the courage to try something new or bold, something that would make me happy, or who knows… sad. I guess at this point anything is better than this reality I’m living, if you can call this is living. I am stuck in a world of shades gray, with no color and no blacks and whites. I long for at least a speck of color, even if in the end it is just black. Anything seems to be better than this perpetual monotony that is supposed to be life.